Hindsight 2012: My Year in Review

*HAPPY NEW YEAR!*

If you would have asked me after the first two weeks of this year, how I thought 2012 would be I would never have guessed it would have turned out the way it did. Within the first two weeks I had won a race, gotten a new tattoo, gone skydiving with my family, watched the marathon Olympic Trials and raced my way to a seven minute PR in the half-marathon. One hell of a start, if ya ask me!

February and March continued on the forward trend with another race win and PR at the Valentine's Day 4 Miler and yet another half-marathon PR by nearly two minutes and an overall win at the Shamrock'n Half Marathon. At the beginning of February I was challenged by two friendly vegetarians *cough* Rachel and Chris *cough* to go meatless for one  month. So I accepted; and survived the whole month without having a bite of meat. Harder than it sounds, let me tell ya! Needless to say veggie-only just isn't my style.

Training was going really well and I was only a few weeks out from racing my fourth marathon at the Country Music Marathon in Nashville and was feeling great. However, I think most of you know what happens next; life got real.

As I was getting into bed in my hotel, I got a call from the front desk that I had visitors. Weird, I don't know anybody here.  At the elevator I was met by my mom, dad, step parents and my sister. WHAT THE F**K IS GOING ON? We walk to my room where my world preceded to fall apart. They were there to tell me that my older sister had an accident and had passed away in her home in Alaska. My mind went stupid and the first thing out of my mouth was "Are you kidding?!". It would be a cruel and awful joke, but I would give anything for it have been one. The girl who I shared my room with and played dress up and built forts with and went swimming and who braided my hair when I was little, was gone. I lost part of my childhood, my teen years and have been robbed of having her present in my adult life at any holiday, my wedding, and being an aunt to my future children.

I miss you.

After the tears, hyperventilating and wanting to throw up, my family took me home. The next few weeks weren't any easier (and to be honest, time still hasn't done much healing.). At 25 years old I found myself having to help my parents plan a service, pick out flowers, shop for a coffin and choose a burial plot for my 27 year old sister. On top of that, I had to decide what to do about my upcoming marathon. I wasn't sleeping, I wasn't eating and did I really want to attempt this race and have a mental breakdown half way through? After family discussions and a lot of thinking I decided to run the marathon. I had put in months of training, the trip was paid for and we couldn't hold any services until after the date of the race due to some logistics. Race day came around and right before the race I wrote her initials on my wrist, right above my watch. I would see them at every mile split and be reminded to keep on fighting. Around mile 20-21 I hit, actually slammed, into that figurative wall every marathoner knows so well. At 80+ degrees and some ridiculous humidity, I plunged deep into the pain cave. My pace slowed by a minute per mile but still, at every mile I saw her initials and I kept on pushing. I crossed the line 3rd female over all and a new PR of 3:00:56. My goal originally was to run sub-3 hours but given my situation, a PR was more than I could have asked for. It was bitter sweet knowing that I still had to return home and go through the hardest day of my life: her burial. The day came and went with lots of tears, tissues, friends and family. 

Move in day!

Although it seemed soon after, the end of May brought my move to Colorado to live and train at altitude. Looking back, maybe it was a bit too soon. However, I was constantly running into people I knew and being asked how I was doing. I just wanted to get out and go somewhere that nobody knew what I was going through. The move went well and it was a long two days of driving; but we had made it with no real hiccups to complain about. We didn't have a place to live yet so we crashed with Clayton and Caroline until we found a place of our own. Luckily, it was pretty quick and after four days we were moving into what is now our home.

It took me a while to find a job; which was a little stressful since bills don't stop when income does! After finding one, well two, I felt a lot better and things were starting to look good. We had a house, we had jobs, we had tackled Pikes Peak within the first few weeks, all that was left was to acclimate. Trying to train at 6300ft after living at sea level was, and is, no joke! 

Chicago marathon was five months away and I was determined to finally break the three hour mark. June through September was a tough few months. Not only was I already on the emotional fritz, trying to stay mentally charged for workouts was getting tougher and tougher when you push yourself 200% and your body just DOESN'T MOVE. It was by far the hardest training cycle I have ever been through. Easy runs were much slower, hitting pace workouts felt impossible and recovery felt like it wasn't happening. I'd never been on such a roller-coaster of good and bad runs. Going into Chicago marathon I had no clue were I was physically. I knew I was in great shape, but the question was what kind of marathon shape was I in. This effected my mental game because I didn't feel like I was dialed in and not mentally focused on race day. All bitching aside, my training paid off. I raced well and finished with my fastest last mile of any marathon (6:20), never hit that damn wall and finally broke three hours! (2:58 to be exact! :] ) As happy as I am with it, I think I could have run faster. ;)

After Chicago I planned to run the North Face Endurance Challenge 50k in the Headlands of San Francisco. It was going to be my first ultra-marathon. Unfortunately, two weeks before the race I injured my knee and couldn't race. It took me a little over a month to get things right and back to running again. Although I didn't race, Chris was still racing so I flew out and ended up crewing for him, followed by a quick few days home to visit my family. It was nice to be able to see them since I wasn't able to get home for Christmas. I had a VERY  fun Christmas with the Vargo family in the mountains near Breckenridge. We did a whole lot of relaxing and a little snowshoeing. The highlight though, was watching home videos of Chris and his brother when they were kids! Haha

This year was nothing short of difficult and I know 2013 wont be easy either. I still struggle with dealing with the death of my sister and know I it will be a while before the tears stop at night. All I can do is keep working hard and hope for the best. I have a lot of great people around me and an amazing, amazing family (immediate and extended!) who support me in my running dreams and are my biggest fans. I love all of you!!

As far as running goes, my two big races for 2013 are Eugene marathon in April and then back to where it all started with the California International Marathon in December. I'm sure there will be some races run in between those, so I'll keep ya posted!

A few other honorable mentions from this year:  visiting Mt. Rushmore which was AMAZING; three weeks after moving to CO I ran a 9 mile trail race in which I placed 3rd female and even won a little cash (and vomited after); we lived through a nasty wild fire; my dad came out to visit me; Chris and I hiked Pikes Peak a second time, this time being the much harder but prettier back side; I was able to get home and surprise my mom and sister for their birthdays; and I turned 26. Haha

There ya have it, my 2012 in short review. 

Snowshoeing near Mt. Helen

Mt. Rushmore! 

HERE IS TO A NEW YEAR!